The Fanmade Misadventures Of Harley And Ivy 1: House broken
by Superobert223
Summary: What happens when Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy are forced to lay low?


The Fanmade Misadventures Of Harley And Ivy Story #1: House Broken

Well, here's my first fanfic based off of the dynamic female duo, and i hope you enjoy it.

Let me just inform you right now that this fic has been written in a script format. There is actually an intresting reason behind this: This was originally written back in the summer of 2013 as part of a now-abandoned fanmade animated H&I series which was supposed to be an attempted "Revival" of the official H&I Batman spinoff series that was being worked on as early as 2001.

The story you see here, was the pilot for the series, as i was the Developer and head-writer for the series.

I would like to babble all day about this but let's just get to the episod- i mean story!

If this fic gets very positive feedback, i may grab the other unused scripts (4 of them were written) and convert them into a fic.

Please Enjoy!

*The story begins at the Gotham Police Department where the chief is ordering and lecturing 2 officers*

Chief: There has been reported a disturbance at the community greenhouse, and i want you buffons to take care of it!

Officer: Uh... Yeah, boss! We ll get right to it!

Officer2: You can count on us, boss!

Chief: Well, why are you just standing around?! Get to it!

*The officers stumble and goofily exit the room*

Chief: Of all the people who could take the night shift, it had to be those two...

*Scene fades to the greenhouse where the officers have arrived*

*They get their flashlights out due to the dark environment*

Officer: Keep your your eyes out for trouble...

*They walk around the greenhouse for awhile, with no sign of felony*

Officer: I hope we re getting our paycheck doubled for this...

Officer2: *Sniff Sniff*... What s that smell?...

Officer: Oh, sorry. I had a burrito for lunch.

Officer2: No, Either someone conditioned the greenhouse with expensive perfume or we re not the only ones here...

*One of the officers then notice a jack in the box*

Officer: Hey, check this out...

*Hey picks up the box and turns the handle to start the jingle, but nothing happens after the jingle*

*He takes a closer look at it, only for a boxing glove to spring out and give him an uppercut, knocking him out*

Officer2: Bernie!

?: I d worry about myself if i were you...

*He whips his head to where the voice was coming from to see nothing but darkness*

*He then pulls out his gun*

Officer2: (Nervous) Alright, lady... Come out wherever you re hiding with your hands up!

*A vine slithers out of the darkness and wraps the officer up, for another to come and put a chloroformed cloth up to his nose and mouth, also knocking him out*

*The vine lets go of the unconscious officer, letting his body drop to the floor*

*A ring slips off the officer s finger and rolls around the ground before eventually falling on it s side*

*A familiar hand picks the ring up, and it is revealed to be Harley Quinn*

Harley: I think I blew our cover, Red.

Ivy: Well, that s what you get for putting on $300 perfume before breaking into a greenhouse.

*Police sirens are heard from outside*

Harley: Red, can we make this quick?! Unless, you want to be locked up in Arkham, i suggest that you just grab that plant so we can bail!

Ivy: Just a second, Harl. I need to bring the zombie root to life.

Harley: Okay, Red. You can say that little speech now.

Ivy: It s NOT a speech, and i will do it as quick as i can, okay?!

Ivy: ... For the flowers that live in soil, for the cactuses that boil and boil, for all the plants that are stiff and stay, I plead for them for them to rise and obey! RISE MY BABIES, RISE!

*All of the plants then immediately spring to life and strangle all of the incoming cops*

Ivy: Okay, Harl. Now we can go.

Harley: Finally!

*They dive out of the greenhouse windows and land into Harley s car to take off*

Ivy: Geez, all of that trouble for a green rose.

Harley: A rose worth a zillion dollars, you mean!

Ivy: There is no way i m going to sell this, i ll raise it as if it was my only child.

Harley: *Sigh* That s what you say about all of the plants you have.

*They pass a electronics store where a news report is being played on one of the display TVs*

TV: And further news, the hideout of the michellious villains: Harley Quinzel and Pamela Isley, known on the streets as Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy has been found.

Ivy: HARLEY, STOP THE CAR!

*The car comes to a halt and the two rush out of the car to watch the report*

TV: And to try and find the felonious pair, the police have bulldozed the place to the ground and sent 2 hyenas which were held captive in the hideout to the Gotham Zoo.

Harley: BUD AND LOU, MY BABIES!

*Harley tears up and cries on Ivy s shoulder in which she also sheds a tear*

Harley: We need to go to the hideout, right now!

Ivy: There ISN T a hideout anymore, and you heard them! This is all a trap to get us captured and put back into jail!

Harley: *Sniffle*...Where will we go?

Ivy: I guess in an alley or something.

Harley: NO WAY... Oh! I know, how about we ask to move in with our friends for a while?

Ivy: That s not much of a bad idea, let s do it!

*They turn around to see that Harley s car has been towed*

Harley: Great, my hyenas and now my CAR.

Ivy: I hope you are able to walk.

*Scene fades to Harvey s house where Ivy rings the doorbell*

*Harvey answers it*

Harvey: Pamela, nice seeing you here.

Ivy: Shut up and give some sugar, sweetheart!

*They kiss each other which causes Harley to mockingly recoil*

Harvey: So, what brings you out here at this time of night, y know, when you re not trying to steal something?

Ivy: Our hideout was found and demolished, so we re wondering if we could crash here for a few days.

Harvey: (Nervous) Uh, i don t think that s going to work out well...

Ivy: Why not?

Harvey: (Thinking) Shoot, she might be thinking of marriage! Not this early!

Harvey: I just remembered, i have company over so sadly, you can t, sorry.

*He quickly shuts the door*

Ivy: Well, time for another house.

*Scene cuts to a quick montage of doors being shut on them and eventually gets to the last door shut, ending the montage*

Harley: I sense a pattern going on here...

*Scene fades to later where the girls are continuing to walk until Harley starts to slow down and eventually collapses to the ground*

Ivy: Harley!

Harley: (Weak) It s no use, Red. Nobody wants to live with us and i don t think i can stand out in the cold much longer...

Ivy: Come on, let s go someplace warm.

*They end up in an alleyway where a heat fan was built*

*Ivy then lies on her back near the heat fan*

Ivy: This is hopeless, where will we go? Where will i keep all of my plants? Will we still even be villians?!

Harley: Don t worry, Red. Something good will happen soon enough.

Harley: And besides, even though a majority of our stuff is now gone, we still have each other.

*She cuddles with Ivy who wraps her arms around her for warmth and affection*

Ivy: For once, you re right, Harl.

*The two then drift off to sleep as the scene fades to black*

*Scene opens back up at a mansion near the alley during the daytime where a large limo arrives and parks in it s garage*

*The limo s doors open, and Lex Luthor with his son come out of them*

Lex: (Inhales deeply) Ah... Fresh air, at last. What do you think, my boy?

LJ: (Texting) Uh huh...It s great...

Lex: Let us go and see what our wonderful new home has in store for us!

*He then walks casually to inside the mansion with his son who slowly trails behind him*

*Before he goes through the doors, he arms the car alarm which wakes Harley in the alley*

Harley: Who, where, wuh...

*She then notices the mansion*

Harley: *Gasp!* Red, wake up! You need to see something!

Ivy: (Groggy) Is it something worth killing a few more minutes of rest?...

Harley: Definitely!

*Angrily, Ivy sits up and rubs her eyes, then takes a look at the large mansion*

Ivy: *Whistles impressively* That s a big mansion...

Harley: How about we welcome the newbie and ask to crash in?

Ivy: That s not a good idea, first, we must see if it s someone who is willing to turn us in.

Harley: Good plan.

*They walk to the mansion and press the intercom button*

Ivy: Huh, we may be dealing with a snob.

Lex: (Intercom) Welcome to Luther Manor, can i help you?

Ivy: Lex? Is that you?!

Lex: Ivy?! One second...

*The gates soon open, which allows the two to walk in*

*The girls eventually approach Lex and he and Ivy do a secret villain handshake*

Harley: I didn't know you guys knew each other that well...

Lex: Ivy, how have you been?

Ivy: Not good recently, they have found our hideout and gotten rid of it.

Lex: Oh, that s too bad. Would you like to stay here for a while?

Ivy: I thought you d never ask!

Lex: Have you met my son, LJ?

Harley: aww, i haven t seen him since he was a newborn!

Lex: He s a young man now! LJ, COME AND MEET THE VISITORS!

*LJ then walks out of the mansion and goes to his dad*

Lex: I d like you to meet my two best pals, Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy!

*LJ finally takes his eyes off his cell phone and looks at the girls, and then immediately keeps his eyes on Ivy*

*Hearts fill his eyes and his tongue drops out of his mouth as Ivy gives him a handshake*

Ivy: Nice to meet you, LJ.

LJ:... I ll never wash this hand again...

*He goes back to the mansion with hearts still hovering above his head*

Harley: I think the kid s taking a fancy to ya, Red.

Ivy: Pshhh, oh please.

*She crosses her arms and turns around to face Gorilla Grodd*

Ivy: Why are you here?

Grodd: Because i was invited, you got a problem with that?!

*Grodd then picks Ivy up and brings her nose-to-nose*

Grodd: If you got a problem, i ll take care of the problem for you!..

*Ivy winces and turns her head the other way, then reaches into her purse*

Ivy: Here, have this.

Grodd: What s that?

Ivy: A breath mint, USE IT.

*Grodd blushes and takes the mint*

Lex: Please, Grodd. These are visitors so behave.

Grodd: She started it!

Lex: Who cares if she started it, you re not 9. Now, are you going to take your lawn mower back or just going to bicker with Ivy all day?

*Grodd curses under his breath as he takes the lawn mower*

Ivy: Looking forward to seeing you soon, monkey breath!

Grodd: Argh! First, she disapproves of my oral hygiene and now she s calling me a monkey!

Lex: Just go!

Grodd: I ll, get you for this...

*He leaves*

Harley: Well, that cameo was pointless.

Lex: Sorry for that, girls. Would you like to continue the tour?

Ivy: Like we have anything else better to do.

*The 3 go into the mansion as the camera pans over to outside the gates to where Grodd is standing*

Grodd: Let s see how Lex will like you after what i do...

*Scene fades to night where H&I are getting ready for bed in one of the guest bedrooms*

Lex: I hope you girls don t mind sharing the same bed.

Ivy: (Blushes) Well, actually...

Harley: We shared a bed at our hideout, so it s fine!

Lex: Great. Goodnight, ladies.

*He exits the room and closes the door behind him*

*While stroking the zombie root, Ivy notices that Harley is looking rather depressed*

Ivy: What s wrong, Harl?

Harley: Bud and Lou, Red. I miss them dearly.

Ivy: I almost thought that you were really taking this to the heart, how about i ask Lex if we could bring the hyenas and then go to the zoo to snatch them back?

Harley: You d do that?

Ivy: As much as i hated them for carelessly Watering my plants, i can t stand to see you upset.

Harley: Red, i hope nothing will separate us. You're the sister i ve never had.

*Ivy tears up emotionally and brings her into a big hug*

Ivy: We re way more than sisters, Harl. We re soulmates.

Harley: I couldn t have said it any better way.

*Scene fades to later at midnight where the house is quiet and the girls are sleeping*

*Camera pans over to a window where Gorilla Grodd smashes through it with his fists*

*He tiptoes into the duo s bedroom and cautiously takes a mallet which was being held in Harley s hand for comfort while she was asleep*

*He then tiptoes back into the living room*

Grodd: Let s see how Lex will like them when i smash every valuable thing in this house and blame it on those two! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!... I gotta stop talking to myself.

*He starts to destroy many vases and china cabinets and etc when Harley is awoken in the other room from the muffled crashes*

Harley: Red, theres someone in the living room...

Ivy: (Groggy) Ughhhhh, it s probably just Lex...

Harley: Why would Lex brake his own stuff?!

Ivy: (Groggy) Well, you go. I haven t slept like this in 10 years and i m not going to ruin it.

Harley: Fine.

*She slips out of bed and approaches the living room to see no one there*

Harley: Hello, anyone here?...

*She notices her mallet and picks it up in curiosity, just in time for Lex to switch on the lights and Catch her red handed *

*lex looks at many of the broken china, then at Harley with an outraged look*

*Harley immediately drops the mallet*

Harley: Lex, it s not what you think, i swear...

Lex: AFTER I HAVE FOUND A PLACE FOR YOU AND YOUR FRIEND TO STAY, THIS IS THE THANKS I GET?!

*Ivy walks out of the guest bedroom*

Ivy: (Yawning/Rubbing Eyes) What s going on here?...

Harley: Please, Lex! I just came into the living room, i didn t do this!

lex: THEN WHO DID?!

Harley: It was-um... I didn't really know...

Lex: THAT S IT, I WANT YOU AND YOUR FRIEND OUT OF MY MANSION, NOW!

*The girls are seen getting booted out of the mansion*

Lex: AND I DON T WANT TO YOU OVER HERE, EVER AGAIN!

*He slams the door behind him*

Ivy: ...What the heck just happened?...

Harley: I think we ve been framed!

*Camera pans up to the roof where Grodd is hiding*

Grodd: Mission complete...MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Ivy: Geez, those birds need some cough drops ...

Grodd: I have to admit that my laughter isn t encouraging, but i fooled you guys!

Ivy: Who said that?

*H&I look up to Lex s roof to see Gorilla Grodd*

Harley: YOU DID THIS?!

Grodd: Yep, i told you not to mess with the smartest primate on the planet!

Ivy: Actually, us humans are the smartest primates on the planet.

Grodd: SHUT UP!

Grodd: Oh, who needs you?! Have fun finding a place to live!

*He then runs out of sight while crackling*

Harley: (Clenched Teeth) Oh, when i get my hands on that ape...

Ivy: Wait, just leave that guy to whatever he wants to do. I mean, Lex couldn t do anything worse.

Harley: Are we going back to the alley?

Ivy: I m afraid so.

*Scene cuts back to Lex s house where he is pacing in the living room*

LJ: Come on, dad! I believe that they were innocent.

Lex: Those girls never really liked me, nor does any other villain in Gotham!...hmmmm, that gives me an idea...

LJ: Oh no, please not let it be what i think it is...

Lex: It s EXACTLY what you think...

LJ: But-

*Before LJ could say anything else, Lex shoves a pile of eviction notes to him*

Lex: Now, i want you to tape those notes to the doors of every villain still residently living in Gotham.

LJ: But, this is insane!

Lex: Do it or you will lose your privileges to being a villain.

LJ: *Sigh*... fine.

*Scene cuts to a quick montage of Lex taping eviction notices onto the houses of many familiar crooks, featuring cameos of many DC villains*

*After the montage, the scene fades to daytime where the girls wake up in an alley and find themselves face-to-face with a whole army of villains*

Harley: Uhhhh, Red. We have company...

Ivy: (Waking up) It better not be Lex or that gorilla...

Harley: Nope, it s pretty much all of our friends.

Livewire: We found these notices on our doors, and now we re homeless, thanks to you!

Harley: Chill down, Sparky. How did you know it was us?

Penguin: It s right here on the notice, Responsibility of Situation belongs to these 2 girls !

Ivy: Trust me, we ve been framed by that know-it-all monkey.

Harvey: You mean Gorilla Grodd? We re best buddies!

Ivy: Yes, Harv. And i don t think that gorilla will be your buddy anymore...

Harley: What do you mean by that?

Ivy: (Cracks Knuckles) We re gonna kill him...

Harley: (Nervous) Heheheheh... I think i have a better idea...

Ivy: Oh yeah? What kind of better idea do you have?

Harley: Alright, everybody, gather around!

*She grabs a giant cardboard box from a dumpster and stands on it, along with using a tin-can as a microphone*

Harley: Look, i know that we may be responsible for this situation, but i have a plan! A plan so sinister and demeaning that it just might work, i guarantee that this plan will help the people i love, the people i hate, and heck, even the people i barely even know! I just need some help and encouragement to brighten things up, now who s with me?

*The villains show no response other than a audible cough heard from the back*

Harley: (Quietly) Or, maybe not...

*A tear slides down her face as she turns around, only to hear someone clapping*

*She turns around to see Ivy clapping, allowing Harvey to join her, along with The Riddler and Mr. Freeze, eventually having the entire audience applauding*

Harley: Now, that s the spirit!

Villain: Tell us your awesome plan!

Harley: Let s get revenge on the person who dragged you guys out of a home in the first place!

*All of the villains gladly take out their deadliest weapons*

Harley: But, we won t be needing those...

*The villains then sigh as they but the weapons away*

Harley: I meant that if he drives us out of a home, then we should drive him out of a home!

Harley: I have the whole plan thought out, now if you could get closer...

*She whispers the plan to the crowd as the scene fades to later at Lex s mansion where he is currently filing taxes*

Lex: Too cheap...too risky...too weird...too stupid...

*He then stops his filing as a loud rumbling is heard from outside*

Lex: What the heck is going on out there?!

*He looks out his window to see a giant bulldozer headed straight for his gates*

Lex: I didn t order any bulldozer!

*He then takes a closer look to see Harley driving it*

Harley: Alright, Lex... lets have a little word with you...

Lex: Oh man...

*He rushes out of his door to see almost every villain holding explosives and heavy equipment*

Harley: Lex, you probably now see that we know you evicted us for no reason, and we just want to give you a friendly warning not to mess with us, now you could give us our homes back and this will all go away.

Lex: Never, you re NOT getting your homes back no matter what!

Harley: Alright, have it your way...

*She pulls a switch to send the wrecking ball going straight for the mansion*

Lex: NO WAIT-

*The wrecking ball smashes the front of the mansion, leaving behind a giant hole*

Lex: GEEZ, DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THIS COST?!

Harley: Lock your targets... and fire!

*The other villains throw bombs at the house causing the roof to collapse*

Lex: STOP, MY SON COULD BE IN THERE!

LJ: I m over here, dad!

*He then notices LJ who has joined Harley s plan*

Lex: You double crossing little-

Ivy: I have to go do something really quick, i ll be right back...

Harley: What are you doing?

Ivy: I m going to teach Grodd a lesson myself...

Harley: Have fun!

*Scene cuts to Gorilla Grodd s lab where his is currently napping until he awakes to the aroma of bananas*

Grodd: Mmmmm, bananas...

*He walks into the back of a truck where he is locked, not long enough for him to find out as he is busy eating the bananas*

*Truck reveals to be a Gotham Zoo truck to whom Ivy has hypnotized 2 employees to capture Grodd*

Ivy: You did a wonderful job, boys...

Employees: (In unison) No problem...

*Scene cuts back to the mansion where it has nearly been blown to the ground until Lex finally snaps*

Lex: FINE! I LL GIVE YOU ALL OF YOUR HOMES BACK, JUST DON T HURT MY PRECIOUS MANSION ANYMORE!

*The villains cheer*

Harley: Does that mean a place for me and Red to stay?

Lex: Yes, but an apartment is all i can give you for now as this mansion will need half of my life s savings to be fixed.

Harley: Ehh, we can live with that.

*Harley s cell phone rings and she answers it, for it to be Ivy*

Ivy: (On Phone) Harl, when you re done, i have a little suprise for you at the Zoo.

Harley: A surprise?...

*Scene fades to the Gotham Zoo where Harley has arrived*

Harley: So, Red. What's that surprise you were telling me about?

Ivy: Follow me, i'll show you.

*They begin to walk until they run right into Batman himself*

Harley: Is THIS that big surprise?

Ivy: Not even close.

Batman: Afternoon, ladies.

Ivy: Alright, Batbrain. What do you want from us?

Batman: I just wanted to let you girls know that what you did earlier was brave.

Ivy: Did you hear that? He called us brave!

Batman: But I'm not encouraging your criminal habits, just stay out of trouble.

Harley: Will do, Bats!

Ivy (Nudges Harley's Arm) No, we will NOT do.

*They turn to face Batman again, only to see him gone*

Harley: Well, getting the thumbs up from Bats wasn't that bad!

Ivy: But its just as good as my suprise.

*She then reveals Bud and Lou who were in the hyena exhibit who jumps to Harley at her sight*

Harley: (Laughs) I missed you too, Babies!

Ivy: Looks like they made a family in there, Harl.

*Harley notices the hyena puppies and the 2 females in the exhibit*

Harley: Hmmm, looks like they did...

*She gives the two hyenas a kiss and lets them go*

Harley: Make mama proud, fellas.

Ivy: Now THAT'S what I call brave!

Harley: Oh, shut up! I just didn't want to separate them from their new home!

Ivy: New home?

Harley: Hey, its better than having them stay with Mistah J!

Ivy: That's true.

*The 2 walk out of the Zoo as the camera pans up to the daytime sky and fades to black*

Grodd: Hey, you forgot about me!

*Scene opens back up to show Gorilla Grodd in his own exhibit*

Grodd: I demand to get out of here!

Kid: Mommy, look at the silly big monkey!

Grodd: I m not a monkey, i m a gorilla!

Kid2: Does monkey want a banana?

Grodd: THIS IS HUMILIATING!... But, ill never say no to a banana.

*He happily takes the banana as the scene Irises out*

The End


End file.
